What's My Line II
~~~~~~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~~~~~~
In every generation there is a chosen one. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer.
Angel's apartment. Buffy and Kendra are faced off, ready to continue their fight.
Buffy: (out of breath) Okay, one more time. You're the who?!
Kendra: I'm de Slayer.
Buffy: Nice cover story. But here's a tip: you might wanna try it on someone who's not the real Slayer.
Kendra: Ya can't stop me! Even if ya kill me, anodder Slayer will be sent to take me place.
Buffy: Could you stop with the Slayer thing? I'm the damn Slayer!
Kendra: Nonsense! Dere is but one, and I am she.
Buffy: Okay, (sniffs) a scenario. (holds up her hand) You back off, I'll back off, but you promise not to go all wiggy until we can go to my Watcher and figure this out.
Kendra: Wiggy?
Buffy: You know. No kick-o, no fight-o?
Kendra considers the offer a moment, then relaxes her stance and crosses her arms.
Buffy: So. You were sent here?
Kendra: Yes, by my Watcher.
Buffy: To do what, exactly?
Kendra: To do my duty. I am here to kill vampires.
Cut to the back room at Willy's bar. The camera pans from the window over to the cage. The sunlight
has advanced past the cage door and is only about three feet from the far wall. Angel is crouched in the far corner, cowering and afraid. He looks up at the light coming through the window. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays.
The library. Kendra stands at attention as Giles paces. Buffy just leans on a chair with her left hand and has her right hand on her hip.
Kendra: Yes, sir.
Giles: We've never met, but he, he's, he's very well respected.
Buffy: What, so he's a real guy? As in non-fictional?
Giles: And you are called...?
Kendra: I am de Vampire Slayer.
Buffy: We go that part, hon. He means your name.
Kendra: Oh. Dey call me Kendra. I have no last name, sir.
Buffy: (haughty) Can you say 'stuck in the 80's'?
Giles: Buffy, please. Uh, there's obviously some, some misunderstanding here.
Willow comes bouncing into the library with a smile on her face. Kendra marches around Buffy to intercept her.
Kendra: Identify yourself!
Willow is taken aback and her smile fades to a frown.
Buffy: Back off, pink ranger! This is my friend.
Kendra: Friend?
Buffy: Yeah. As in person you hang with? Amigo?
Kendra: I don't understand.
Buffy: (to Giles, exasperated) You try. I'm tapped. (sits)
Giles: Uh-uh, Kendra, uh, there are a-a-a few people, uh, ci-civilians if you like, who, who know Buffy's identity. Willow is one of them, a-a- and they also, um, spend time together, uh, socially.
Kendra: And you allow dis, sir?
Giles: Well, uh...
Kendra: But de Slayer must work in secret for security.
Giles: Of course, uh, but, uh, with Buffy, however, it-it's, um, some flexibility is required.
Buffy gives Giles a look.
Willow: (confused) Hi, guys. W-what's goin' on? (goes to sit across from Buffy)
Buffy: Apparently there's been a really big mix-up.
Giles: Uh, it seems somehow that, uh, another Slayer has been sent to Sunnydale.
Willow: Is that even possible? I mean, two Slayers at the same time?
Giles: Not to my knowledge. Um, th-the new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. Uh... (realizes) Oh, good Lord! You were dead, Buffy.
Buffy: I was only gone for a minute.
Giles: Clearly it doesn't matter how long you were gone. You were physically dead! Thus causing the activation of the, the next Slayer. (nods toward Kendra)
Kendra: She died?
Buffy: Just a little.
Giles: She drowned, but she was revived.
Willow: So there really are two of them!
Giles: It would seem so. This is completely unprecedented! I'm quite flummoxed. (sits)
Buffy: What's the flum? It's a mistakes, she isn't supposed to be here, she goes home! (to Kendra) Look, no offense, I really don't mean this personally, but I'm not dead, and frankly having you around creeps me out just a little bit.
Kendra: I cannot just leave. I was sent here for a reason. Mr. Zabuto said all de signs indicate dat a very dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale.
Buffy: (gets up) And what's your great plan for finding this dark power? You just gonna attack people randomly 'til you find a bad one?
Kendra: Of course not.
Buffy: Then why the hell did you attack me?
Kendra: I tought you were a vampire.
Buffy: Oh, a swing and a miss for the rookie. (walks around Kendra to Willow)
Kendra: I had good reason to tink you were. Did I not see you kissing a vampire?
Willow: (stands up in her defense) Buffy would never do that! (realizes) Oh. (to Buffy) Except for that sometimes you do that. (to Kendra) But only with Angel. (to Buffy) Right? (sits again)
Buffy: Yes! Right. (to Kendra) Look, you saw me with Angel, and he is a vampire, but he's good.
Kendra: Angel? You mean Angelus? I've read about him. He is a monster.
Giles: No, no, no, he's, he's good now.
Willow: (smiles) Really!
Buffy: He had a gypsy curse.
Kendra: He has a what?
Buffy: Y'know what, just trust me on this one, okay? He's on the home team now.
Kendra: I cannot believe you. He looked to me just like anodder animal when I...
Buffy: When you what? (confronts her) What did you do to him?
Kendra: I...
Buffy: What did you do?!
Cut to the back room of Willy's bar. Angel leans against the back wall, weakened by the ambient light. Willy comes in and looks at him. He opens the cage door and walks in. He uses his body to shade Angel from the direct sunlight and drags him out of the cage and into another storage room. There he opens a hatch in the floor to the sewers below and drops Angel down into the shallow water. Angel is too weak to get up on his own. Willy lowers himself through the hatch and drops to the water, too. He's unhappy about the fact that his shoes have just been ruined. Spike walks into the light from the shadows.
Two of Spike's thugs arrive to drag Angel away. Willy holds up his hands to stop them.
Spike: (pulls out a wad of cash) What's the matter, Willy? Don't you trust me? (starts handing him bills)
Willy: Oh, yeah. Like a brother.
Spike slaps him across the cheek.
Willy: Wild horses couldn't drag it.
Spike holds up he last bill, crumbles it and drops it into the water.
Willy bends over to pick up the bill as the two thugs grab Angel and drag him off.
Spike: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know.
He follows his goons down the sewer. Willy counts his money again. Cut to Buffy's house. Cut to the foyer. Norman's case is open and Cordelia is going through the samples.
Norman: Nine ninety-nine, tax included.
Cordelia: You said that already. Do you have anything in the berry family?
Norman: Are there more ladies in the house?
Cordelia: Oh, no, they're not home. (faces him) You know, nothing personal, but maybe you should look into selling dictionaries, or... some...
She sees a caterpillar crawl out of his sleeve and onto his hand. Xander comes back down the stairs and sees Norman. Cordelia slowly backs away from him.
Cordelia: Um, he's a salesman, and he was just leaving, right? Uh, okay! Buh-bye! Thank you!
Xander: (reaches up to guide him out) Okay, Mary Kay, time to...
Another caterpillar crawls across Norman's cheek and into his right ear. Xander backs away.
He breaks into a run, guiding Cordelia away with him as Norman transforms into a mass of caterpillars. The caterpillars quickly crawl across the floor. Xander and Cordelia run into the kitchen for the back door, but Norman is already there reassembled and waiting for them. Cordelia screams, and Xander grabs her hand and pulls her back into the hall. They open the door to the basement and hurry in, closing the door behind them. The caterpillars try to come under the door, but they stomp on them.
He grabs a broom and sweeps the caterpillars back under the door with it.
He gives her an incredulous look, grabs the roll from her and shoves the broom into her hands.
She sweeps at the caterpillars while he pulls a length of tape off of the roll and sticks it to the bottom of the door.
Cut to the back room of Willy's bar. Buffy barges through the door.
Buffy: Angel?!
Kendra walks into the cage where she left him and looks around.
Buffy: What?
Kendra: When a vampire combusts, he leaves ashes.
Buffy: Yeah, I know the drill.
Kendra: So I did not kill him.
Buffy: And I don't need to kill *you*.
Willy shows up at the door. Willy: Whoa! There's a lotta tension in this room.
Kendra attacks him and pushes him out of the back room and onto the floor.
Buffy: Doesn't anyone just say 'hello' where you come from?
Kendra turns Willy over on the floor and grabs him by the shirt, ready to punch.
Buffy: That's really good for you, percepto girl, (lifts him up) but we're not gonna get anything out if him if he's, oh, say, (slams him into the bar) unconscious. (to Willy) Where's Angel?
Willy: My buddy Angel? You think I'd let him fry? I saved him in the nick! He was about five minutes away from being a crispy critter.
Buffy: Where'd he go?
Willy: Uh, he said he was gonna stay underground. You know, recuperate.
Buffy: Are you telling me the truth?
Willy: I swear on my mother's grave! Should something fatal happen to her, God forbid.
Kendra: Den he is alright. We can return to your Watcher for our orders.
Buffy: (lets go of Willy) I don't take orders. I do things my way.
Kendra: No wonder you died.
Buffy: (ignores the comment) Let's go.
They start to leave. Willy steps away from the bar.
Buffy and Kendra exchange a look and just walk out without aword.
Cut to Drusilla's bed. She's asleep. Spike bends over her and strokes her hair. She wakes.
Spike: Of what, pet?
Drusilla: We were in Paris. You had a branding iron.
Spike: I brought you something.
He goes over to the stairs and picks Angel up from the landing.
Spike: (drags Angel in) Your sire, my sweet. (dumps him on the floor)
Drusilla: My Angel?
Spike: (comes back to the bed) The one and only. Now all we need's the full moon tonight, and he will die, and you will be fully restored. (takes her hand, whispers) My black goddess. (kisses her hand) My ripe, (works his way up her arm) wicked plumb. (raises his head) It's been...
Drusilla: Forever.
They kiss passionately. Angel watches from the floor, all tied up and gagged. He strains against his bonds. They break off their kiss.
Spike: (smiles) Alright, you can play, but don't kill him. He mustn't die 'til the ritual.
Drusilla: Bring him to me.
Spike picks Angel up from the floor and forces him over to Drusilla. She grabs him by the chin and looks him in the eye.
She slaps him across the face. Angel is powerless to do anything.
Sunnydale High. Giles, Kendra, Willow and Buffy come down the outside stairs and head into the halls.
Buffy: Oh, that'll be a treat.
Kendra: So, you believe dat Spike is attempting to revive dis Drusilla to health?
Giles: Yes, well, I-I-I-I think that's the, uh, the dark power that your, your Watcher re-referred to. You see, uh, you see Drusilla's not only evil, she's, uh, well, she's also quite mad, and-and-and-and if she's restored to her full health, then, uh, well, there's no, absolutely no telling what she might do.
Kendra: Den we will stop Spike.
Buffy: Ooo, good plan, let's go, charge!
Giles: Buffy...
Buffy: It's a little more complicated than that, John Wayne.
Giles: Yes, I'm, I'm afraid it is. You see, Spike has also called out the Order of Taraka to keep Buffy out of the way.
Kendra: De assassins? I read of dem in de writings of Draemius.
Giles: Oh, really? W-w-which volume?
They exit the hall and walk along the colonnade.
Buffy: Um, how do you know all this?
Kendra: From me studies.
Buffy: So, obviously you have a lot of free time.
Kendra: I study because it is required. (Giles smiles) The Slayer handbook insists on it.
Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: What, handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? (gets a look from Buffy) 'Cause that would be cool... (rolls her eyes)
Giles: After meeting you, Buffy, I realize that, uh, the handbook would be of no use in your case.
Buffy: Well, what do you mean it would be of no use in my case? Wha- what's wrong with my case?
Giles: Uh, Kendra, um, perhaps you'd like to show me the, the part in, uh, Draemius six where, uh, uh, where it refers to the order of Taraka. Really, I-I, I seem to have never been able to get through that book. It was a bit stodgy.
Kendra: (smiles) It was difficult. All dose footnotes.
Giles and Kendra laugh out loud.
Buffy: (to Willow) Hello, and welcome to planet pocket protector.
Giles: Oh, well, B-Buffy, Principal Snyder was snooping round after you.
Buffy: (stops) Eee. Career fair.
Giles: Best make an appearance, I think.
Buffy: Right.
Kendra: Buffy's a student here?
Giles: Yes.
Kendra: Riiight, of course. And I imagine she's a cheerleader as well.
Giles: Oh, no, well, a-a-actually she had to give up her cheerleading. (gets a look from Kendra) Uh, it was quite an amusing story, actually. Uh, uh, let's go and find the book, shall we?
The two of them head off to the library. Buffy and Willow continue their walk.
Buffy: Get a load of the she-Giles.
Willow: Creepy.
Buffy: Ew. I'll bet Giles wishes I was more of a book geek.
Willow: Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of you.
Buffy: Yeah, but did you see how they were vibing? (mocks them) Volume six, ha, ha, ha!
Willow: Buffy, no one could replace you. You'll always be Giles' favorite.
Buffy: I wonder.
Willow: Of course, you will. You're *his* Slayer. The *real* Slayer.
Buffy: No. I wonder if it would be so bad, being replaced.
Willow: You mean, like, letting Kendra take over?
Buffy: Maybe. I mean, maybe after this thing with Spike and the assassins is over, I could say, 'Kendra, you slay, I'm going to Disneyland.'
Willow: But not forever, right?
Buffy: No, Disneyland would get boring after a few months. But I could do other stuff. Career day stuff. Maybe I could even have a normal life.
Cut to Buffy's basement. Cordelia is pacing.
Cordelia: (leans on the washer) Because you're just sitting there. You should be thinking up a *plan*.
Xander: I have a plan. We wait. Buffy saves us.
Cordelia: How will she even know where to find us?
Xander: Cordelia, this is Buffy's house. Odds are she'll find us.
Cordelia: Well, what if she doesn't? What am I supposed to do? Just waste away down here with you? Haw, haw, no thank you! (makes tracks for the stairs)
Xander: (gets up to stop her) What are you doin'?
Cordelia: (stops and faces him) Going to see if he's gone!
Xander: That's brilliant! What if he isn't?
Cordelia: Oh, right! You think we should just slack here and hope that somebody else *decides* to be a hero? (goes back to the washer) Sorry, forgot I was stranded with a LOSER! (leans and crosses her arms)
Xander: And yet I never forgot that I'm stuck with the numb brain that let Mr. Mutant in the house in the FIRST PLACE!
Cordelia: HE LOOKED NORMAL!
Xander: What, is he supposed to have an arrow with the word 'assassin' over his head?! All it took was the prospect of a free makeover, and you licked his hand like a big, dumb dog!
Cordelia: You know what? (heads for the stairs again) I'm going.
Xander just raises his eyebrows, ready to let her go. She stops at the foot of the stairs and faces him again.
Xander: Then go! I'm not stopping ya!
Cordelia: I bet you wouldn't! I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!
Xander: Not just any girl. (nods) You're special.
Cordelia: I can't believe that I'm stuck spending what will probably be my last few moments on Earth here WITH YOU!
Xander: I *hope* these are my last few moments! Three more seconds with you, and I'm gonna... (steps closer)
Cordelia: (steps closer) I'm gonna what? Coward!
Xander: Moron!
Cordelia: I *hate* you!
Xander: I HATE YOU!
They look at each other for another second before grabbing each other and engaging in a mad, passionate kiss. It goes on for several seconds before they suddenly release each other and look at each other in surprise. Xander: We *so* need to get outta here.
Cordelia: (nods) Mm hm!
She rushes up the stairs with Xander right behind. They stop at the top, crouch down and give each other anxious looks. Xander grabs one end of the tape and pulls it off. There aren't any worms on the other side. Xander moves the broom aside and opens the door slowly. They both look out into the hall for any sign of the caterpillars.
Xander steps out and peeks around the corner down the hall to the dining room. The coast looks clear, so Xander makes a dash for the front door. Cordelia follows a moment later, and when she comes through the dining room door caterpillars begin falling onto her from the ceiling. She screams as they fall on her en mass and runs for the door. Cut outside. Xander throws the door open and dashes into the front yard. Cordelia follow him out, screaming.
Xander turns to look.
He runs for the hose.
Xander grabs the hose and starts spraying the caterpillars off of her. She keeps screaming and turns her back to him, then her front again. He keeps spraying as she tries to brush them off. She turns around again to let him spray her back again and reaches down the back of her dress to get some caterpillars out. She turns back around.
He keeps spraying her in spite of her protests.
She runs for her car. Xander follows her with the hose for another instant, then drops it and follows her. Cut to a close-up of her license plate, "QUEEN C". She floors it, and they burn rubber into the street. Further down the block she screeches round the corner. Cut to the halls at the school. Buffy and Willow stroll along past the career fair displays.
Buffy: My tests say that I should look into law enforcement, duh!, and environmental design.
Willow: Environmental design. That's landscaping, right?
Buffy: I checked the 'shrub' box. But landscaping was yesterday, so law enforcement it is.
They stop near the steps to the couches in the lounge. Buffy looks around and notices Oz looking over at Willow.
Buffy: (to Willow) Hey, Will, don't look, okay, but... (Willow looks) No, don't look! (smiles) That guy over there is totally checking you out.
Willow: (looks with her eyes) Oh, that's Oz. He's expressing computer nerd solidarity. Oz gets up and starts to walk over.
Buffy: Really? Then why is he on his way over here right now?
Willow is surprised when she sees him coming.
Buffy: Told you! (makes a discrete exit)
Oz: Hey.
Willow: (smiles) Hey! (notices) Your hair! Is brown!
Oz: Oh, yeah, sometimes. So, uh, did you decide? Are you gonna be a corporate computer suit guy?
Willow: Oh. Uh, well, I-I think I'm gonna finish high school first. What about you?
Oz: I'm not really a computer person. You know. Or a work of any kind person.
Willow: They why'd they select you?
Oz: Oh, I sorta test well. Y'know, which is cool. E-except that it leads to jobs.
Willow: Well, don't you have some ambition?
Oz: Oh, yeah! Yeah. E-flat, diminished ninth.
Willow: Huh?
Oz: Well, the E-flat, it's, it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, it's a man's chord. Now, you could lose a finger.
Willow nods, pretending to understand. Cut to Buffy. She signs up at the law enforcement table and joins the group. Patrice, the recruitment officer, picks up the clipboard and looks it over.
Buffy raises her hand. Patrice calmly puts the clipboard back down. Quickly she draws her gun and aims it at Buffy. Buffy reacts in a flash and pushes the recruiter's hands and weapon up into the air as the first round goes off. Panic sets in throughout the hall, and people start to run and duck for covers. Buffy keeps struggling with the officer, and another round goes into the ceiling. She knees her in the gut, and she drops the gun and falls to the floor. Buffy starts to run as Patrice gets to her knees and pulls out her backup gun. Another bullet flies at Buffy as she dives over a table. She stands up again and looks around at everyone.
Buffy: GET DOWN!
She starts to run again, right past Oz and Willow. Patrice follows Buffy with her aim.
He lunges for Willow and pulls her to the floor with him, but takes the next bullet meant for Buffy in the arm. Patrice keeps following Buffy with her gun and shoots off the cranium of a skeleton. Buffy has disappeared down the hall, and the police recruiter carefully makes her way to the wall to peek around it down the hall. She doesn't see her, but senses that she's there, and decides to go to the other end of the wall to come around the other side. The camera pans to the other side where Buffy is leaning against the wall, breathing hard and waiting for Patrice to make her next move. When she is about to come around the other corner, Buffy leaps over a table and tackles her to the floor. She drops her backup gun and it slides away. Buffy gets to her feet and adopts a fighting stance. Patrice gets back to her knees, pulls out her small ankle backup and aims it at Buffy as she stands back up. Before she can get off a round Kendra kicks the gun out of her hands. She follows it up with a kick to Patrice's face, making her fall flat on her back. She makes her stand next to Buffy. Patrice grabs Jonathan as a hostage and pulls out a short blade to threaten him with. The two girls watch her slowly back toward the door at the end of the hall with the boy in tow. Halfway there she drops Jonathan and makes a dash for the door. Kendra doesn't hesitate to give chase. Buffy rushes over to Oz and Willow and kneels down next to them. Oz is holding his arm.
Buffy: How is he?
Willow: He's shot! (to Oz) Are you okay?
Oz: I, uh, I'm shot! (takes his hand away briefly and chuckles) Y'know. (laughs) Wow! It's odd! And painful. Buffy gets up again when Kendra shows back up.
Jonathan: W-was that a demonstration?
Buffy looks around at the scene. Cut to the library. Giles has the first-aid kit out, and Willow is wrapping Buffy's knee.
Buffy: She was definitely one of the Taraka gang, Giles, and way gun happy.
Giles: This, um, Oz chap, he, he, he's alright?
Willow: The paramedic said it was only a scrape. Thank goodness.
Cordelia and Xander walk into the library. Kendra tries to head them off.
Buffy: Down, girl!
Xander: Who sponsored career day today? The British Soccer Fan Association?
Giles: (on his way to the table) We had a, a rather violent visit from the Order of Taraka.
Xander: You wanna talk Order of Taraka? We just met the king *freak* of the... (sees Kendra) Hello.
Kendra looks at the floor, humbling herself before Xander.
Cordelia: (heads for the table) Hi. Nice to meet you.
Xander: A Slayer, huh? (to Buffy) I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention getter.
Buffy: (hops off of the counter) Just say hello, Xander. (makes for the table with Willow)
Xander: Welcome. So! You're a Slayer, huh? I like that in a woman.
Kendra: (nervous) Uh... I hope... I tank you... I mean, sir, um... I will be of service.
Xander: (looks at the others) Great! (to Kendra) Good. It's good to be a giver. (goes to the table)
Giles: Xander, um, this, this, uh, assassin you encountered, what, uh, what did he look like?
Cordelia finds a caterpillar in her hair and freaks out. She drops it onto a book on the table and gets up.
Xander: (indicates the caterpillar) Like that.
Buffy: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?
Xander: No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man *of* bugs, not a man who *was* a bug.
He slams the biology book shut on the caterpillar to kill it and sits down.
Buffy: These Taraka are definitely serious. (looks at Kendra) Fortunately for me, so is Kendra.
Giles: And, uh, I fear the worst is still to come. I've, I-I've discovered the remaining keys to Drusilla's cure. The, uh, the ritual requires that, the presence of her sire, and it must take place in a church on the night of the new moon.
Buffy suddenly looks very concerned.
Giles: Exactly. And I-I'm sure the assassins were here to kill Buffy before she could put a stop to things.
Buffy: They need Drusilla's sire. You mean the vamp that made her?
Giles: Yes.
Willow: Buffy, what is it?
Buffy: (looks down) Angel. He's Drusilla's sire.
Xander: Man, that guy got major neck in his day!
Willow slaps him hard on the shoulder.
Buffy: Will this ritual kill him?
Giles: Yes, I'm afraid it will.
Buffy: We need to find this church. We need to find where this ritual is gonna take place!
Giles: Agreed, and we must work quickly. (checks his watch) We have five hours before sundown.
Willow: (opens her laptop) Don't worry, Buffy, we'll save Angel.
Kendra: Angel? But our priority is to stop Drusilla!
Xander: Angel's our friend! Except I don't like him.
Buffy: Look, you've got your priorities, and I've got mine. Right now they mesh. So, are you gonna help me, or are you gonna get out of my way?
Kendra: (considers) I'm wit you.
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. Buy nobody messes with my boyfriend!
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~
Drusilla's room. She runs her hand across the lid of an elegant wooden box labeled 'Holy Water'. She sings quietly as she lifts the lid and takes out a small crystal pitcher.
She kneels next to him. Angel is tied to the posts of her canopy bed by both wrists high above his head.
She lets some of the holy water trickle onto his chest. It steams and burns like acid. Angel jerks his head back in pain and stifles a scream.
Angel: Dru...
Drusilla: (sternly) Shhh! (stands up) And pomegranates. (climbs onto the bed behind Angel) They used to make her face and fingers aaall red.
She reaches over his shoulder and lets more holy water dribble onto his chest. Again Angel grits his teeth in pain, but won't let himself scream out loud.
Angel: (shivering in pain) If I could...
Drusilla: (interrupts angrily) Bite your tongue! They used to eat cake, and eggs, and honey. (sweetly) Until you came and ripped their throats out.
She pours the rest of the holy water onto his chest, and Angel screams out loud in agony. Cut to the library. Giles comes out of the stacks and heads toward the stairs with a large volume full of pictures. Willow is sitting on the steps websurfing on her laptop. He looks down at her screen and sits down next to her.
Willow: It's the extra evil vibe from the Hellmouth. Makes people pray harder.
Giles offers her a mint, and she smiles and takes one. He gets back up and continues over to Xander and Cordelia at the table.
Xander: Yeah, yeah, we got monsters, we got demons, but no bug dude or police lady.
Giles sets the volume down in front of them and opens it.
Cut to Giles' office. Kendra looks through the window at them doing their research. Buffy is sharpening a knife.
Buffy: Yep.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means? (goes to the desk)
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook. (Kendra picks up the crossbow) Right after the chapter on personality removal. Be careful with that thing!
Kendra: Please. I'm an expert in all weapons.
The bolt flies off of the crossbow and breaks a lamp. Buffy startles. Giles heard the noise from the main room.
Buffy: Yeah, it's okay. Kendra killed the bad lamp.
Kendra: Sorry! Dis, uh, trigger mechanism is different. (sets the bow down) Perhaps when dis is over you can, uh, show me how to work it.
Buffy: When this is over I'm thinking pineapple pizza and teen video movie fest. Possibly something from the Ringwald oeuvre.
Cut to the main room. Xander turns the page and finds a drawing of the bug dude.
Giles and Willow come over to have a look. Xander reads in another book.
Cordelia: I know what it means, *dorkhead*.
Xander: (in mock offense) Dorkhead! You slash me with your words!
Giles rubs his eyes. Willow raises her eyebrows at them. Cut to the office. Kendra is handling a stake.
Buffy: You mean the part where I occasionally have one? Yeah, I guess it is. (carves at a stake)
Kendra: De tings you do and have I was taught distract from my calling. Friends, school... even family.
Buffy: Even family?
Kendra: My parents, dey sent me to my Watcher when I was very young.
Buffy: How young.
Kendra: I don't remember dem, actually. I've seen pictures. But, uh, dat's how seriously de calling is taken by my people. My modder and fadder gave me to my Watcher because dey believed dat dey were doing de right ting for me, and for de world. (puts down the stake and gets a sympathetic look from Buffy) Please, I don't feel sorry for meself. Why should you?
Buffy: I don't know, I... I guess it just sounds very lonely.
Kendra: Emotions are weakness, Buffy. You shouldn't entertain dem.
Buffy: Kendra, my emotions give me power. They're total assets!
Kendra: (picks up her knife) Maybe. For you. But I prefer to keep and even mind. (wipes the blade)
Buffy: (puts down her knife) Mm. I guess that explains it.
Kendra: Explains what?
Buffy: (plays with the stake) Oh, well, when we were fighting, uh, you're amazing! You're technique, it's flawless, it's, hmm, better than mine.
Kendra: I know.
Buffy: Still, I woulda kicked your butt in the end. And ya know why? No imagination.
Kendra: (rubs her blade more vigorously) Really? Ya tink so? (puts down the rag)
Buffy: Oh, I know so. You're good, but power alone isn't enough. A good fighter needs to know how to improvise, to go with the flow. Uh-uh, seriously, don't get me wrong, y-you really do have potential. (puts away the stake)
Kendra: (holds her knife ready) Potential? I could wipe de floor wit you right now!
Buffy: (looks Kendra in the eye) That would be anger you're feeling.
Kendra: What?
Buffy: You feel it, right? How the anger gives you fire? A Slayer needs that.
They both look over at Xander as he walks into the office.
Kendra looks down at the floor while he grabs a book from the desk. Xander notices her knife.
Buffy: I'm guessing dating isn't big with your Watcher either.
Kendra: I'm not permitted to speak with boys.
Buffy: Unless you're pummeling them. (has a realization) Wait a minute.
Kendra: What?
Buffy: That guy! The sleazoid you nearly decked in the bar.
Kendra: You tink he might help us?
Buffy: I tink we might make him!
Cut to Drusilla's room. She is kneeling between Angel's spread apart legs and holds the little pitcher of holy water above him.
Spike: That's it, then. (Drusilla looks up at him) Off to church.
Drusilla: (stands up) It makes pretty colors.
Spike: Pft! I'll see him die soon enough. I've never been much for the pre-show.
He reaches up to untie one of Angel's bonds while Drusilla puts away the holy water and gets Miss Edith.
Spike: What's that supposed to mean? (steps over to the other bond)
Angel: Ask her. She knows what I mean.
Drusilla has come back to stand behind Spike's shoulder, and he turns his head to face her.
Drusilla: (to Angel) Shhh! Grrrruf! Bad dog.
Angel: You shoulda let me talk to him, Dru. Sounds like your boy could use some pointers. She likes to be teased. Spike has finished untying the other bond and throws it to the floor.
Spike: Keep your hole shut! (stands over him)
Angel: Take care of her, Spike. The way she touched me just now? I can tell when she's not satisfied.
Spike: I said SHUT UP!
He grabs Angel by the throat, lifts him to his feet and holds him against the bedpost.
Spike: That's enough.
He pounds his other hand into the wooden railing of Drusilla's bed, grabs the piece that broke off and holds it up to stake Angel.
Spike holds back. Angel tries to goad him on with a stare. Drusilla steps over to Spike and gently puts her arm on his shoulder and snuggles up to him.
Spike: Oh! Right. Right, you almost got me! Aren't you a throw himself to the lions sort of sap these days. Well, the lions are on to you, baby. See, if I kill you now you go quick, and Dru hasn't got a chance. And if Dru dies your little Rebecca of Sunnyhell farm and all her mates are spared her coming out party. (squeezes Angel's throat)
Drusilla: Spike, the moon is rising. It's time.
Spike: Too bad, Angelus. Looks like you go the hard way. Along with the rest of this miserable town.
He keeps holding Angel against the bedpost as he and Drusilla engage in a passionate kiss. Cut to Willy's bar. Buffy shoves him up against the shelves of liquor bottles.
Buffy: What about this ritual? What have you heard?
Willy: N-nothing! I-it's all hush, hush!
Kendra: Just hit him, Buffy!
Buffy: (to Willy) She likes to hit.
Willy: You know, m-maybe I did hear something about this ritual. Yeah, i-i... I-it's coming back to me. But, uh, I'd have to take you there.
Buffy: Let's go. (starts to drag him out of the bar)
Kendra: First we must return to de Watcher.
Buffy: (stops) Excuse me? While we run to Giles, this whole thing could go down!
Kendra: But it is procedure.
Buffy: It's brainless, you mean! If we don't go now, Angel could die. (starts out again)
Kendra: Is dat all you're worried about? Your boyfriend?
Buffy: (stops again) No, it's not all, but it's enough.
Kendra: It's as I feared. He clouds your judgment. We can't stop dis ritual alone!
Buffy: Are you listen to me? He could die!
Kendra: He's a vampire. He *should* die. Why am I de only person who sees it?
Buffy just stares at her a moment before turning around again and heading for the door with Willy in tow.
Buffy shoves Willy out ahead of her and leaves Kendra behind in the bar.
Cut to the church. Cut inside. Willy leads her down an arched hallway. They round a corner, and Patrice and a vampire are waiting there for them.
Norman and another vampire block her escape from behind.
The nave of the church. Spike walks up the main aisle from the altar with a burning incense censer.
He turns back to the altar. Spike and Drusilla are both strapped together to a chain that hangs from the ceiling. Angel's right hand is tied to the chain above his head.
Drusilla: Black medicine.
Spike sets the censer down on the altar and picks up the du Lac Cross with his gloved hand.
Drusilla: Murderous child.
He grabs the downward pointing tip of the cross with his other hand and yanks down, pulling out a dagger. He lays the rest of the cross back on the altar.
He takes Drusilla's left hand and raises it to Angel's, and she clasps it.
With one swift stroke Spike stabs the blade through their hands. Angel screams in agony. A blindingly bright pink light emanates from their wounds. A pulse of energy spreads out, and then the light dies back down to a faint glimmer as Angel's strength begins to ebb from him into Drusilla. She droops backward, feeling Angel's energy flow into her.
Willy barges through the door and strides into the nave with the vampires and assassins escorting Buffy close behind.
Spike strides up the aisle to meet him.
Willy: You said you wanted her.
Buffy sees Angel and Drusilla tied together at the altar.
Willy: Now, that's not what I heard. Word was there was a bounty on her dead or alive.
Spike: You heard wrong, Willy.
Buffy: (whispers) Angel.
Spike: Yeah. (steps over to Buffy) It bugs me, too, seeing him like that. Another five minutes, though, and Angel will be dead, so... I forebear. Don't feel too bad for Angel, though, he's got something you don't have.
Buffy: (angry) What's that?
Spike: Five minutes. Patrice!
She lets go of Buffy and draws her gun. Buffy struggles to get loose from the vampire holding her. The other door suddenly bursts open, and Kendra comes in doing a series of backflips, ending in a flying double kick, one foot to the back of each of the vampire's heads. They fall to the floor, pushing Buffy into Spike and knocking him down. Kendra lands on her feet, ready to fight. She wastes no time running over to Spike as he gets up, meeting Buffy there to fight him.
Kendra grabs him by the shirt.
Buffy: It's you lucky day, Spike.
Kendra: Two Slayers! (decks him)
Buffy: No waiting! (jabs him)
Spike falls but quickly gets up. Buffy breaks off to fight Patrice, leaving Kendra to take care of Spike. He ducks a roundhouse kick from her. Buffy faces off with Patrice. She extends her arms down, and a blade slides out from each sleeve. One of the vampires gets up from the floor next to them and starts to reach for Buffy when a bolt impales him. He falls and turns to ashes while Giles looks on from the door, still holding the crossbow. Buffy and Patrice begin to fight hand-to- hand. Patrice thrusts one blade, then the other at Buffy, but she catches her arms and holds them up while she knees Patrice in the stomach. Buffy follows up with a kick to her face and sends her stumbling back into the wall. Spike lands a punch on Kendra, knocking her down, and she scrambles to avoid his follow-up kick. The other vampire gets up also, and Giles runs to engage him. He swings the crossbow at him, but the vampire grabs it, and they struggle over it. Giles swings at the vampire and hits him in the face. Willow jumps up onto his back and starts choking him with her arm. Xander spots Norman and taunts him.
Norman smiles and starts after him. Xander scrambles for the doors and carefully steps through as he closes them behind him to avoid stepping into the puddle of liquid adhesive Cordelia has poured there. She still has the bucket in her hand.
Norman comes under the door as a mass of caterpillars. Back inside Giles punches the vampire twice while Willow keeps holding on. Kendra jumps over Spike when he tries to knock her legs out from under her. She tries another roundhouse kick, but he blocks it. He uses the momentum of the block to spin around and hit her again. Patrice gets back up and comes for Buffy. She ducks a kick from Buffy and lunges at her with her blades, but Buffy handily blocks her. She swings at Buffy's face with one, but Buffy ducks out of the way. Out in the hall the caterpillars have gotten stuck in the adhesive and Xander and Cordelia begin to stomp them. Inside Kendra swings at Spike and is blocked. Spike lands another hit on her. Buffy punches Patrice in the face and sends her staggering back into the wall again. Spike punches Kendra again, and follows up with a roundhouse kick. She hits the floor and scrambles back up again. Buffy notices her getting knocked around.
Buffy: Switch!
She bends over and Kendra rolls over her back to face Patrice, immediately landing a punch and knocking her into the wall a third time. Buffy faces Spike.
Buffy: Mutual.
She blocks his thrust, then kicks him in the face and again in the gut. He doubles over and falls to the floor. In the hall Cordelia and Xander continue stomping away.
Xander puts his hand on her lower back to calm her.
She drops the bucket and they run off. Inside, Buffy blocks a punch from Spike, and another, but then he lands punches to her stomach and face. She blocks his next swing and holds his arm while she punches him twice in the face. She grabs his coat and pulls him around and throws him over several pews and into the wall. Behind another pew Willy gets up. Spike growls as he stands back up and sees Willy trying to sneak out of the church. He rushes over and grabs him by the back of the neck.
Buffy seizes the opportunity to run to the altar and pull the dagger out of Angel and Drusilla's hands.
Spike: They tricked you.
Willy: Mm hm! They were duplicitous!
Spike: Well, then I'll only kill you just this once. (goes for the bite)
Drusilla: (weakly) Spike!
Spike stops before biting Willy and looks over at her. He sees Buffy trying to untie them. He lets go of Willy and rushes over to the altar, grabs Buffy and shoves her to the floor. He backhand punches her as she gets back up, knocking her down again. Willy wastes to time running out of the church past Willow and Giles, who are still fighting the other vampire. Giles has him held back by both arms and Willow has a stake raised to kill him.
She plunges the stakes into the vampire's heart and he burst into ashes, leaving Giles all dusty. Xander and Cordelia run into the back of the nave as Willow pats the dust off of Giles. Patrice throws Kendra over a knocked-over pew and climbs over after her. She swings at Kendra twice, but misses both times when Kendra ducks. She swings again and this time slashes her in the arm. Kendra grabs her wounds and looks down at it.
Now Kendra is pissed, and she kicks Patrice in the back of the knee, making her lose her balance. She grabs Patrice by the arm and throws her into a cabinet in front of the organ, smashing it to pieces and knocking her out. Kendra runs over to join the others. Spike takes a torch from its wall hanger and throws it into a pile of old drapes, setting them ablaze.
Spike unstraps Drusilla from Angel
He lifts her into his arms and starts down the aisle.
With nothing holding him up anymore Angel falls to the floor behind them. Buffy crawls over to him and sees Spike making his escape. She stands up and grabs the censer from the altar. She swings it around her head by its chain a few times and launches it at Spike. It hits him in the back of the head, and he stumbles into the church organ. The keyboard console collapses under his weight.
Buffy: I'm good!
A moment later the organ superstructure collapses onto Spike and Drusilla, with its huge brass pipes clanging and rolling everywhere. Buffy turns her attention back to Angel and helps him sit up. She cradles his head in her arm.
Buffy: (quietly) Hi.
Kendra sees the way they look at each other. Buffy brushes Angel's cheek. Giles and the others watch them through the flames. Kendra runs over and crouches down next to Buffy and Angel.
Angel moans as they begin to help him up.
Buffy: Careful!
Kendra: C'mon. With their help he gets to his feet. Kendra gets under his arm to support him. The others run out of the church as the three of them make their way up the aisle and out the other door. The wreckage of the organ has caught fire now, too. Cut to the school lounge the next day. Oz is getting a box of animal crackers from a vending machine. His arm is in a sling. He straightens up and sees Willow there.
Oz: Oh, hey! (offers the box) Animal cracker?
Willow: (smiles) No, thank you. How's your arm?
Oz: (trys to open the box) Suddenly painless.
Willow: You can still play the guitar okay?
Oz: Oh, not well, but not worse.
They start to walk down the hall. Willow takes the box from him to open it.
Oz: Ooo, hell, please don't. I don't do thanks. (Willow hands back the open box) I get all red. Have to bail. It's not pretty.
Willow: (smiles) Well, then forget that thing. E-especially with the part where I kind of owe you my life.
Oz: (pulls out a cookie and stops) Oh, look! Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants.
Willow: (smiles) Yeah, I-I see!
Oz: The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?
Willow smiles brightly.
Willow is surprised by the compliment.
Willow laughs.
Oz: And you know the monkey's just, 'I mock you with my monkey pants!'
Willow laughs more.
Willow: The monkey is French?
Oz: All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?
Willow: No. (giggles)
Cut to another part of the halls. Cordelia comes walking along. When she sees Xander she immediately turns and walks the other way. Xander runs around her and stops her.
Cordelia rolls her eyes and crosses her arms as she goes into an empty classroom. Xander looks back and forth down the hall to make sure no one sees them going in together and follows her. He stands a distance away from her. They both fidget with their hands.
Cordelia: Right. Okay. Why shouldn't we run?
Xander: What happened, there's a total explanation for it.
Cordelia: You're a pervert?
Xander: Me?
Cordelia: Yeah!
Xander: No-no-no-no! (takes a step closer) I seem to recall I was the jumpee, my friend!
Cordelia: As if! (takes a step closer) You've probably been planing this for months!
Xander: Right, I hired a Latvian bug man to kill Buffy so I could kiss you. I hate to burst your bubble, but you don't inspire me to spring for a dinner over at Bucky's Fondue Hut.
Cordelia: Fine! Whatever. (starts to leave, but steps back, closer) You know, the point is: don't try it again!
Xander: I didn't try it! (calms a bit) Forget about the bugs, okay? The memory of your lips on mine makes my blood run cold.
Cordelia: (steps closer) If you dare breath a word of this...
Xander: Like I want anyone to know!
Cordelia: Then it's erased!
Xander: Never happened!
Cordelia: Good!
Xander: Good!
Cordelia: *Good*!
They stare into each other's eyes for a moment, and then grab each other in another mad, passionate kiss. This time they don't break off. Cut to the front of the school. Buffy is walking Kendra to her taxi.
Buffy: Hey, it looks better on... well, me, but no worries. Now, when you get to the airport...
Kendra: I get on de plane with me ticket, and sit in a seat. Not de cargo hold.
Buffy: Very good.
Kendra: Dat is *not* traveling under cover.
Buffy: Exactly. Relax! You earned it. Sit in your seat, you eat your peanuts, you watch the movie, well, unless it's about a dog or Chevy Chase.
Kendra: I'll remember. (opens the cab door)
Buffy: I, um... I just wanted to thank you... for helping me save Angel.
Kendra: Mm. Am not tellin' me Watcher about dat. It is too strange dat a Slayer loves a vampire.
Buffy: (smirks) Tell me about it.
Kendra: Still, he is pretty cute.
Buffy: Well, maybe they won't fire me for dating him.
Kendra: You always do dat.
Buffy: Do what?
Kendra: You talk about slaying like it's a job. It's not. It's who you are.
Buffy: Did you get that from your handbook?
Kendra: From you.
Buffy: I guess it's something I really can't fight. (smiles) I'm a freak.
Kendra: Not de only freak.
Buffy: Not anymore.
They look at each other for a moment, then Buffy makes a move to hug Kendra, but she backs away.
Buffy: Right. No. Good. Hate hugs.
Kendra smiles at her and gets into the cab. Buffy holds up her hand in good-bye. She watches as the taxi pulls away. Cut to the church. The fire has burned itself out. The camera pans over the scorched rubble of the pipe organ to Spike, unconscious but breathing. Drusilla grabs him by the arm. She is vamped out.
She pulls him off of the floor and holds him up by his arm. His head just droops down.
She scoops up his legs with her other arm.
{What's My Line I} {Ted} {The Series 2 Index} {The Index}